Sep 092008

I was not always submissive. I once, not too long ago, explored my dominant side with a man a few years younger than me. It didn’t go well, it ended badly as predicted, and I walked away with a low confidence level. It was a crappy relationship, he was kind of a crappy person at a bad time of his life, and I walked away from the experience with little desire to return to being dominant….until recently. I’ve felt the itch again. I cannot just flip a switch and “be” one or the other with someone, I have to feel it instinctively, it is a vibe. I do not generally like men who are submissive outside of the bedroom. I do not delve deep into the Mistress role; there are many scenarios I’m just not at all into. I am merely a lusty bitch at those times….it is about my pleasure; it is about their pleasure and orgasm being under my control. However, I won’t do something that I like if the other person doesn’t. If they do not derive any pleasure, deep down, from it…I won’t bother. Even the bedroom-masochist truly gets off on whatever is done to them, no matter the pain level. It is a feeding-frenzy of cyclical lust – I get off because he’s getting off from both what I’m doing and because I get off on doing it. *grins* Still with me? Perhaps I may be doing something that he would not normally like if thought were given to it but because I clearly love it, he does too. We feed each other.

There was one other guy, and it was only one time. But I felt powerful with him. Wanted. Adored. He was into pain as much as I was into giving it. I told him orgasms would be 4:1 – 4 of mine to 1 of his (he was very much into orgasm denial and teasing). My favorite moment that night was one of pure, delicious torture for him. I had a horse crop, a rubber-tendriled whip, and of course my hand. He had just spent some time bringing me to 2 orgasms – one with his tongue and fingers, one by fucking me with a dildo-gag and using my vibrator on my clit. He had a cock-ring on all this time, and was wonderfully hard. As I dragged the rubber tendrils over his cock, and teased him mercilessly, I saw something like desperation in his eyes.

I instructed him to masturbate for me, to the point of orgasm but he was not to cross over the line, he was not to come. Within a minute or two he stopped for me, his breathing ragged, pupils dilated. I cuffed his wrists, and clipped them to his collar. I started hard, with the horse crop, making deliberate stripes on his ass. After a minute I came around in front of him and dragged a lazy flat tongue up the length of his cock, watching his knees buckle. Hard full-handed slaps across the angry red stripes came next. I kept up until both of my palms were stinging. Another long drag of my tongue ended with firm suction, his legs shook….a whisper of “please” let me know to stop, he was on the edge again. I unclipped his wrists, informing him that my quota had not yet been met. He needed to make me come another two times yet before I would end his sweet misery. And, oh yes…..for every minute it took him to get me there, 2 swipes of the whip. Anything past 10 minutes? 4 swipes of the whip per minute.

Every minute I sounded off his tally. Toys, fingers, tongue and enthusiasm got me off in 8 minutes. 16 swats. 1 more orgasm. He paused long enough to let me ride out the wave of contractions then dove in face-first to bring on orgasm #4. Another 6 minutes. Hmmm, what were we up to now? I quizzed him, testing to see if he would tell the truth. He said “36, Ma’am” – did I detect a tremor of fear in that answer?  I made him count them out. Some rapid-fire; some long and drawn out, to catch him off guard. At 20, I paused. Rubbed the dripping pre-cum into his skin, watching his eyes roll back as he let out a low growl. His cock was a deep angry red from such lengthy arousal and the cock-ring.

Every 4 swats I would come back and tease him. A harsh deep kiss. A graze of fingernails up his chest, down his chest, avoid the cock! At 36, I snuck in one final blow to make 37. Unclipped his wrists and achingly slow I smoothed the condom on. Shoved him back onto the bed and I slowly crawled over his body, poised over his cock – grabbed his face and said “Don’t you dare fucking come until I tell you to.” Oh the poor thing looked like he was in pain – oh wait, he was. I rode his cock while I held a strong vibrator to my clit. He had the look of a crazed man, as he tried to put off the tidal wave that was building.

Such a beautiful sight…..

The moment I felt my orgasm building I stared at him, caught his attention and whispered “Now”.

I have never heard such a thing. A scream/moan/growl mixed with “fuck” “damn” and who knows what else, all so male, so primal. His body twitched its final release after a full minute of this; I climbed off of him and tenderly kissed him. So. Fucking. Good.


It felt a bit out-of-character to write this, as I’ve been mostly submissive for some time now. But it was still highly arousing to me, that evening was amazing. So arousing that I sat here with the Silver Bullet vibe buzzing away for the second half of writing this, and I came when I was done. And thank you to ScarletLotus who prodded me to post this, despite my reservations.

  • Deviant Little Devil

    Very hot, lucky guy.

    ~ Thank you my dear, my unfailing fan ;) ~L

  • Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

    I’m glad I could give you that extra push you needed to get this posted! As I’ve said (too many times now?) I think it’s totally hot, and I would so bottom for you ’cause you sound fun and like you know what you are doing. One of the benefits, I think, of being a switch, is it’s easier to put yourself in the other’s shoes and know what may be desired at that moment.

    Enough of my babbling. I’m glad that you posted this, and I hope maybe next time you will be less hesitant to post (or, you also know what my IM name is).

    ~ I agree that in BDSM it’s a “Good Thing” if you’ve been in both shoes….to know what it feels like to have the power and to give the power. I think that, in time with R, I will be better at topping. But which should come first, the chicken or the egg…….the submissive or dominant side let out to play… ~L

  • The Butterfly Temptress

    I am so glad that you posted this! You are far more brave than I could ever be. oh the memories this brings back.

    Now, if you’re in the mood for someone submissive, well…let me know *wink*

    ~ Butterfly, I fear I would be too much of a newb for you ;) Perhaps The Knight would help me…. ~L

  • damn
    thats hott.

    ~ Why thanks, Sage, I didn’t figure you for liking this one ;) ~L

  • Totally fucking hot. You are a goddess!

    ~ Thanks lady ;) But I really really wouldn’t agree with the ‘goddess’ thing, lol ~L

  • Very very hot. :) Also sounds like you two had _fun_, which is the most important part. *grin*

    I’m really glad you posted this…I enjoy seeing how people handle different roles. It’s easier for me to be the bottom in a scene, and I really want to be a better top. It’s fun, but I don’t feel like I’m very good at it yet *grins sheepishly*.

    Thanks for the inspiration…;)

    ~ It can be hard, because when you’re mostly sub/bottom, you still have this innate desire to please. How can you reconcile that when you’re supposed to be the one getting pleased….you’re ‘supposed’ to be the one saying “Fuck your pleasure, give me mine” etc etc. That was the hard part for me, especially when it was with the first boy, someone I liked and cared about, and just wanted to claim in any way shape or form…. I need to gain the ability to pull back and realize that their pleasure comes from mine. They’ll mostly likely “like it”, no matter what it is. This was the first time I thought I did well and didn’t question if I pulled it off well enough. ~L

  • I totally dominated my wife last night – I made her beg for my cock while I dug my nails into her back and scraped my nails HARD along her back. I made her beg for another woman before I let her come. I made her look into my eyes as she came another time before I came. I loved reading your post tonight. Kudos!

    ~ And I bet you both had fun! ~L

  • Jellocee

    took my breath away.
    Just beautiful.

    ~ Wow, thank you…. :) ~L

  • That was fantastic. Thank you for sharing it with us!

    It is nice to see someone who does not deny another part of herself, even if it only comes out every so often!

    ~ I’m thinking this part might come out again….if I can find a willing victim ~L

  • Riff Dog

    Oooo, that IS a different side of you! Very hot!

    ~ Shocker, eh? ;) ~L

  • the Beau

    Very, Very, Hot!

    I’ve tried crossing over myself–but not to the success that you had. It was difficult for me to be Sub to my (now) ex. I had to keep reminding myself not to take control :) You didn’t seem to be acting, I really got the impression that you had taken the Dom role to heart.

    Fascinating post! (I followed Coy Pink here, by the way.)

    ~ Thanks :) Well to be fair, I did the Dom thing first…for me it’s more natural to be submissive though. For now, at least. Perhaps with more time spent as submissive I’ll feel more confident beign dominant, who knows! ~L

  • Holy fuck, that was hot!

    ~ *blushes* Thanks.. :) ~L

  • Don’t have anything more profound to add to the conversation but, oh my, so so hot… :-D

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  • Oh wow – what a beautifully written piece of femdom…

    I’ve tried crossing over as well, but I just don’t think I’m cut out to be a dom yet.

    Wonderful post, though. Thanks for writing it.