You can’t really deconstruct any sort of relationship. You cannot break it down and truly ever determine the whys and hows. R and I had a conversation last week and he pointed out something that had never really occurred to me, that is to say I never thought about it that way. I suppose I knew that in the beginning of a D/s relationship, i.e. a true “relationship” and not a play arrangement with a pro, the submission is given. It is the submissive’s choice to give his/her submission to their dominant. However, once the bounds and roles are in place, I think I stopped seeing it as an ever-evolving choice. That the submission was no longer really a choice but simply the way things are now.
The truly genuine dominant in relationships realizes, each and every time, that the submission given to them is a gift. It may appear on the surface to be “taken” and demanded, but unless an actual slave contract has been drawn up the submissive is continually choosing to be submissive.
R:You know what I like best about you?
me: my tits?
R: nope….. two more guesses
me: the fact that i let you get away with alot?
R: nope again… but you’re getting there. One guess left.
me: i’m a dirty kinky slut? :P
R: again…. all wonderful things…. but not it.
me: i’m not good at guessing games
i’m never right
R: well, I’ll tell ya……
spits ice cube from his mouth into his hand
it’s the fact that you’ll do what I tell you even if you are combative….
lifts your skirt, and places the ice cube on top of your thighs, right above your cunt
because if you don’t do it……
pushes ice cube down
you’d fear the thought of what it means to you if you didn’t comply. For your sake and mine
holds ice cube in place and watches you squirm
now keep it there until it melts.
me: so you like me cause you can control me
R: no, I like you because you give me the power to do so
but don’t exactly yourself know why
makes sure the ice cube drips on your cunt lips
remember what I said…. don’t you dare take it away
R: you see, the ultimate power exchange… even though I am seemingly in control…..
kisses you deeply and pushes the ice cube in you
It is in your hands, not mine
think about it
me: *whimpers* oh god…so wet…
anyways. I hope you realize how fucking rare it is
R: very rare…. and I hope you realize it’s just as rare to find somebody to recognize this as well as act accordingly in kind
me: I know
that’s why I let you get away with murder
so to speak
R: it’s a whole chicken/egg thing really….. who truly holds the control, etc
besides….. it’s impressive that I can think up the strangest things sometimes, is it not?
I can pretty much rest assured of myself that nobody’s going to just order you to hold an ice cube in your cunt for no reason ;)
me: if I’m not careful I may get to the point where it’s no longer a matter of “letting” you….it’s something I can’t help, can’t imagine being any other way.
but i’m careful.
R: you can desire it if you wish….. I know I desire wishing you to let me.
but yes, truly a rabbit hole to be wary of slipping into
me: you’re not the only one with a few walls…
R: I know this
me: when you have me in the flesh, that’s when you’ll get my complete submission
R: so until then you’ll be a combative little bitch from time to time? Cool!
R: awesome…. give me all the more reason to threaten you and make you drip in the middle of all your co-workers
WHY do i tell you this shit????
R: because ultimately it helps me be who you want me to be and you like it
And that right there, ladies and gentlemen, is the moment that a wall of mine was broken. He’s just gotten a little farther in than anybody else has been able to in this area. Even K. The breaking of walls is a two-way street with us; he’s admitted I’ve gotten farther in than anyone else who has tried. Deeper down the rabbit hole we go…….